Where I Am
by violet-phoenix-rose
Summary: For the 180 Titles challenge. A zillion or so random oneshots, all during the NextGen era, all told in first person. Various pairings; LOTS of Teddy/Victoire. Rating for language and maybe some other random stuff later.
1. To The Tune Of 5,000 Screaming Children

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: for the 180 Titles challenge. A zillion or so random oneshots; most if not all will occur during the NextGen era and involve those people. This one is Audrey...

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_To The Tune Of 5,000 Screaming Children_

"How did I get myself into this?" That's the question I'm asking myself right now. It's about eight in the evening on Christmas Eve, of all days, and I'm the Designated Child-Watcher for the entire freaking Weasley family. There are... let me look around... at least half a dozen children running around here, none of them mine, and at least one if not three destroying - oh no, that's a family heirloom they're messing with!

Look, had I known that marrying Percy meant getting stuck with his hundred and one relatives, I just might have thought twice. I do love him, but that love does not extend to his nieces and nephews. I've been part of the clan for just under six months, and I have no childcare experience whatsoever - heaven only knows why everyone else left their children with me!

So this is where I am on Christmas Eve in 2006 - in my living room, looking after all of my nieces and nephews, wondering how I got into this, and trying to make sure no one breaks... oh, blast it, how'd one of them get on the china cabinet?!?


	2. My Princess Dreams And His Bitter Words

A/N: This is Victoire at the beginning of sixth year...

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_I'm Holding On To My Princess Dream and His Bitter Words_

You know what the worst thing in the world is? Worse than someone you care about dying? It's having your best friend break your heart and not even know he's gone and done it. At least I don't think he knows what he's done, which is the only reason I'll still be able to speak to him the next time we run into each other. Trust me, best friend or not, I will absolutely not go out of my way to speak to him, under any circumstances you can think of and some that you probably can't.

It's his fault. Of course it's his fault; if I was responsible, I wouldn't be ranting like this, at least I don't think I would be. He's the one who made a series of stupid mistakes that I'm just now through with moping about. He's the one who went out of his way to corner me at the last family gathering - he isn't really family but he might as well be - and then told me he was a little worried about me. Worried - as if! So I've put a little effort into being pretty over the summer - that's not reason for him to be worried about me, is it? It isn't like I'm about to gain a reputation as the school slut or something like that - I'm too smart to make that set of mistakes.

Well, I couldn't very well tell him that I'd started caring about my looks because I was trying to get his attention, could I? That would be horribly awkward, and I'd never say anything like that in a million years, even if it _wasn't_ awkward! I've liked him for ages, but the problem is I've always been like a little sister to him, and that's probably all I'll ever be to him. No matter what I say or do, he'll never look at me and see someone he could love - I'm just the girl who's always been there, no more and no less.

So this is where I am on the first weekend of my sixth year of school - quietly sulking and really wondering if I'll ever mean anything to Teddy.


	3. And The World Devours Their Soul

A/N: Sort of a companion to "I'm Holding On To My Princess Dreams And His Bitter Words", except from Teddy's perspective...

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_Little Girls Become Young Women and The World Devours Their Soul _

How could I have made such a stupid mistake? Everyone knew Vic changed over the summer; I was just the one who was enough of an idiot to say it to her face. Yes, I'm definitely an idiot, and I've certainly gotten in enough trouble to last me a lifetime because of what I've done. Quite honestly, I can't blame Vic for the fact that, if given the chance, she would happily injure any part of me that she could. I probably deserve it.

So let me explain the situation - Victoire, my best friend / surrogate little sister, is the one person who's always been there. I didn't realize that she was still a little twelve-year-old (in my mind) until this past summer, when (out of the blue) she suddenly started caring how she looked. I understand that she's sixteen and it's normal, but why'd she do it over the summer, when no one except the clan (and me) was going to see her? Couldn't she have waited until she was at school and therefore in the viewing range of all twenty-one of the boys in her year? (Yes, I know there are twenty-one, because over the five years that Vic and I were both at school, I probably had to tell off half of them for messing with her. I'm protective, okay.)

I have the curse of bad judgement and bad timing, usually both at once, which I've been told happened to my mother a lot. Thanks to this, I decided that the last family gathering before everyone went off to school would be the perfect time to corner Vic and find out what had happened to her. Rule number one - when trying to have a real conversation with someone, don't do it in a setting in which all thirty members of their extended family are nearby. This is exactly what I did, and her reaction was so much worse than I thought it would be. She freaked out and I don't know if she'll ever want to see me or speak to me again, which would be horrible because like I said, she's the one person who's always been there.

I just have one thing I wonder about now, which is this - whose attention is she trying to get? Since she didn't see any of her school friends over the summer (at least not that I know of), I'm a little worried it's me. If it is - and that's a very big if - then why couldn't she just tell me, instead of going all chameleonic and making everyone worry about her. I really hope she knows that if she needs to say something to me, she can just say it and not worry about what I'll think. Actually, there are two more things I hope she knows - first, that I'm just being protective like I've always been, and second, that if she needs me, I'll be there for her.

So this is where I am on the first September 1 that I'm out of school - worried about my best friend and wondering why she changed.


	4. Only You Can Make Me Love And Hate

A/N: Rose at some point during fifth year...

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_Only You Can Make Me Love and Hate Myself Simultaneously_

Fact: if there is one thing smart girls do not do, it is to get involved in an on-and-off relationship with their cousin's best friend. Especially when there is a family bias against the boy, which there is. Bad enough Al's thick as thieves with Scorp - no one believed that when they heard about it, and Uncle George said he would've thought it was a damn good practical joke if Al had been kidding (which he wasn't). This is why I am not telling anyone that (at the moment) I am... not really dating Scorpius, but we have something together. Something without words to describe it, because until yesterday, he'd been totally hating me for ten days, and then avoiding me for a week before that. I'm used to it.

It is very much a love-hate thing with him. I'm his girl no matter what mood he's in, but as far as him being my boy... that all depends on how his world is going. Everyone knows he's the most volatile boy in our year, and probably in the whole school, but I don't care. I like him, I've liked him since about ten minutes after I met him, and I don't care that his dad tried to bully my parents when they were in school. I don't care.

So this is where I am as life swings into a good stage - a girl dating the boy no one thought she'd end up with. But I will end up with him, you'll see...


	5. Cold December Thursdays

A/N: Roxie, around the middle of fifth year...

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_Cold December Thursdays_

I love the last week of school before the holidays. I know that school is usually something I barely tolerate (under normal circumstances), but that last week before Christmas is the best week of the year, bar none. Nothing ever happens, which is why I like it - Jamie and Fred are usually too busy planning what they'll pull on the relatives over the holidays to try anything stupid. The fact that they're in their last year of school and intend to (in Fred's words) "go out with a bang" is really starting to drive me crazy. But enough about that - this is about what happened to me yesterday afternoon, _not_ about how annoying it is to undo all the damage my older brother and one of the cousins manage to cause.

It was snowing yesterday afternoon, the first snow of the school year. Like everyone else (except that one girl in the year above me who grew up in Bermuda and hates snow), I went outside the moment I could and reveled in it. Everyone was just so happy and alive (and maybe a little wired), and it was contagious. From that one seventh-year who's Head Girl and supposedly intends to work for the Ministry after she gets out of school, to the herd of little first-years that's always in everyone's way, everyone was out there. I wandered a little more than most of the other kids did, out of the courtyard and into the grounds, where it was dead silent and I was basically alone. That's when things got interesting.

After a few minutes, I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see a boy I don't think I've seen before, coming towards me and holding a brightly colored object in one of his gloved hands. As he got closer, I was able to tell that the brightly colored object was one of my mittens, which I wasn't aware I'd dropped. He finally made it to me and stuck out his hand, the one holding the mitten, so I took it back. "Thanks," I said, putting it on and knowing that the turquoise mittens didn't _quite_ match my black winter coat (not like I cared much, but I did notice that). "Do I know you?"

"I don't think so," the boy said, and I did manage to remember that he was probably a sixth-year (don't ask how that happened; I don't even know). "I'm Nathaniel Kirke, and you are?"

"Roxie Weasley," I replied, trying to appear dignified and aloof. It's nearly impossible for me to do that, but my cousin Dominique has it perfected, and Molly and Rose are pretty good too. I think I did manage it, though, because of what happened next. Though I don't remember the words, I think Nathaniel said that he'd see me around, wished me a Merry Christmas, and then seemingly disappeared. Never before, at least in my memory, has a boy who wasn't friends with one of my cousins spoken to me and really seemed to mean that he hoped he'd see me again. Even my horrible ex-boyfriend never said anything like that.

So this is where I am on the day before Christmas holidays begin - in a good mood and really hoping I see a certain boy again.


	6. Blue Eyes, Full Of Lies

A/N: I'm planning a LOT of Teddy/Victoire... but things must always get worse before they get better, right? To that end, this occurs the Christmas after "Little Girls Become Young Women and The World Devours Their Soul".

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_Blue Eyes, Full Of Lies_

"I don't trust myself." With those four words, I ruined the holidays for my best friend, who has no idea what I really meant. If I keep screwing things up between us, she'll never know, simply because she won't listen to me - or to anyone else, probably. She's not reckless or impulsive, but she can be determined when she wants to be, and right now, she's determined that she won't listen to a single word I say. Never mind that I've probably got the best intentions in the world right now - she doesn't give a damn about that, or about anything I'll ever say to her. Not anymore.

So where did I go wrong? Oh, yeah - "I don't trust myself". But this time she started the falling-out, even though I was dumb enough to tie it off. Out of the blue, she was suddenly starting to say things that even someone who speaks fluent Girl probably wouldn't understand, things about feelings and love and some other things I don't remember at the moment. From what I could tell, what she was saying was that she likes (loves?) me, and that she wanted to know if I felt the same way about her. Half of what she said probably got lost in translation, but that seemed to be the center of it. This is where I made my mistake.

It's not that I don't trust myself with her - I don't trust myself when it comes to the concept of relationships, period. Even though I've always been surrounded by people who've found their soulmates, and I do believe there is someone somewhere for me, I've always had... not a fear of commitment or anything, but a fear that I'd ruin things. Last year, when everyone decided I could hear the real stories about my parents and everyone else who died during the war - the real stories, not just the relatively happy ones I'd always known - that changed me. Knowing the mistakes they made makes me worry that I'll make the same mistakes, that I'll do the same damage. I don't want that to happen.

Thing is, though, I think I might be starting to fall for her. It would've been so easy to say that when she asked me what I thought of her, but I didn't, of course I didn't. Why would I ever take the easy way out of something I could massively screw up? Since when did I ever have enough common sense to do something like that? She's probably the one person I belong with, and I've managed to destroy any and all chances of her even looking at me that way again. If what happened last summer was regrettable, this is practically tragic - because this time, there's no undoing what's happened.

So this is where I am on December 23 - worried that I've managed to make the worst mistake of my life and hoping that Vic will at least be able to look at me after what I've done.


	7. Spoken Like You Have No Clue

A/N: Goes along with "Blue Eyes, Full Of Lies"...

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_Spoken Like You Have No Clue _

Merry Christmas - yeah freaking right! I'm miserable, totally miserable, and once again it's the fault of my so-called best friend, who I wouldn't hesitate to harm if I got the chance and no one else was around. What is it about holidays and him being totally insensitive and me freaking out over something that he probably didn't even mean? We've almost established a routine of doing that, now that he's out of school and I'm not, and I don't think he even knows what he's doing! If he began the process of shattering my heart when he told me off last August, he sure as hell finished it three days ago, and nothing in this world is going to undo what he's done.

Yeah, maybe this all started with a lapse in judgement on my part. I'd spent the better part of my free time over the past three months trying to figure out how to properly tell him that I'm hopelessly in love with him, but of course I couldn't remember that plan when I actually needed it! No, I had to do everything I'd told myself not to do in that situation, melting into a little puddle of emotions and probably beating around the bush and not being nearly as upfront about what I was saying as I should've been. I had to make things even worse, though, when (after rambling for far too long about my feelings for him) I suddenly asked him what he thought about me. Big fat mistake, let me tell you. That's when things _really_ went downhill - okay, they'd been going downhill from the very second I started talking, but they picked up a lot of speed once I stopped.

"I don't trust myself." If I _ever_ hear those words from anyone, especially in the context of a conversation about relationships and the possible revelation of feelings... well, so help me God, I will make sure that idiot regrets ever saying that to me. I don't know what the hell he thinks he's doing, but I'm sure I know the reasoning behind it. For ages - ever since I can remember, in fact, and I've got a good memory - he's always been there to protect me. He probably thinks that's what he's doing now, probably thinks there's someone out there for me who's better than he could ever be, but he's wrong. Damn it, he's hurting me and he doesn't even know!

If this is what having hopes and dreams about a possible future with someone gets me, I'm pretty sure I want to be single for the rest of my life. I love him - love him more than words are ever going to describe - but right now that's been fogged up by my hatred for what he's done. I don't hate _him_, but I don't think I'll ever forgive him for what he's done. Even if maybe, just maybe, I wasn't listening to him and he hinted at maybe liking me, which I'm sure didn't happen. He could never fall for someone he's known for basically all of his life - could he?

So this is where I am on Christmas Day - wondering what Teddy really thinks of me and hoping I haven't made mincemeat of something that was barely there to begin with.


	8. So Simple

A/N: Nothing can ever stay bad for too long, especially not between two people who were once best friends. Also for the "Beautiful and Broken" and "First Kiss" challenges. This is Teddy, the summer after "Blue Eyes, Full Of Lies" and "Spoken Like You Have No Clue".

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_So Simple_

If I'd known what was coming, I wouldn't have minded the fact that Vic alternated between hating me and trying to get me to pay attention to her for the better part of the past year. She should've known to just say what she needed to say and be done with it, but of course she didn't. People like her - girls in general, really - just don't get that sometimes subtlety gets in the way. Really, if it weren't for the fact that I love (like?) that girl, I'd be very annoyed with her - but then again, right now I don't think I can be annoyed with anyone. Things are right in the world again, I think.

Yesterday was the second Saturday of the month, which usually means that the whole clan picks a house and spends the day there, eating and talking and (whatever it is that the smaller kids do - I don't know what games they play anymore). Due to the lovely circumstances involving my own family, aka the fact that they're all dead, I've always been included in this. No one actually knows why or when that happened, but they've all gotten used to me and been the family that I probably should've had. As usual, after a few hours, everyone went off in their own direction - some of the older kids were planning a prank on one of the adults, the younger kids were doing whatever it is that the younger kids do, the uncles were outdoors trying to move a rosebush (I didn't quite understand why), and the aunts were inside and having their monthly gossip marathon.

(Yes, I know that they do this, because Vic's little sister, Domi, once hid behind a sofa, listened to the aunts for a few hours, and learned a lot more about some people than she wanted to know. That was probably the only time Domi's ever broken the rules, and we know for a fact that she actually did it because she decided to bring up one of the things she'd heard at the next family gathering. Needless to say, that didn't go over too well.)

For some reason, Vic and I were the only ones left in the foyer. It was like the whole world was telling me _"you've been horrible to her and it's time to make things right"_, and I decided to listen. Before I got the chance, though, she spoke. "I ruined everything." Her voice was shaky, as if she'd only just decided on that fact herself and wasn't even sure I'd believe her. "Don't hate me for any of it. I... I just wanted you to know I like you." She was on the other side of the foyer, but as she spoke, she came closer to me. By the time she finished, she was about two feet from me and looking straight at me - but she wasn't glaring at me or anything, which I almost expected she'd do.

"You didn't," I replied, and I probably sounded more on-edge than she did. "All you did was try to give me a few hints. I'm the one who took them the wrong way." At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to know that she wasn't close to me because she was about to punch me in the face, which I was still pretty sure I deserved. I _had_ been horrible to her, more horrible than anyone should ever be to someone like her, and yet there she was, wanting to take the blame for everything. In a strange and almost unnerving way, it was beautiful.

I don't quite know why, but she began to cry then. It was one of the most awkward moments of my life so far - after having taken the blame for basically all of the things that had happened over the past year, I found myself not knowing what I'd done wrong. But then it hit me - she wasn't crying because I'd done something wrong; she was crying because I'd finally done something _right_. Not knowing what else to do, I did the only thing I could do - I closed the small distance between us and wrapped my arms around her, hoping she didn't take a single thing I did the wrong way. "You're beautiful when you cry," I whispered in her ear.

"Really?" she gasped between sobs, not quite believing me and yet believing me more than anyone ever has, than any words could ever describe. An indescribable instinct took control of me then, and next thing I knew, my lips were on hers and there was no more need for words.

It was so simple, I realized after we finally let go. The one person I was searching for had been in front of me the whole time, never once doing anything obvious to make me realize it was her. Yet I had realized it, and all the mistakes we'd both made over the past year melted away in my mind. Every word I'd said that didn't sound right to her, every hint she'd given that I didn't understand - those were gone now, locked in a little box labeled 'forgotten regrets'. No one has the key to that box, not even me, and I don't intend to find it.

So this is where I am - wondering how I missed what I had for so long and very happy that I finally woke up and saw it.


	9. It's Over Now

A/N: Don't you just love these two? This is Victoire's perspective on the events of "So Simple", and also for the same challenges.

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_It's Over Now_

It's amazing how one encounter with a person can totally change what you think of them. This morning, I thought that Teddy was insensitive and heartless; tonight, I really do believe that I love that boy. If I've ever had a day that's changed my outlook on life more than today did, I can't remember it and I don't think I want to. The feeling of being loved and wanted and cared about and protected and all of those other things, all wrapped up in one little package, is the best thing I've ever tasted. Hopefully I'll taste much more of it in the future.

Today was the monthly family get-together. I used to love them, but these days, I see no point in going. My parents were hosting, which meant that I was required to make an appearance whether I liked it or not - and I was pretty damn sure that I didn't like it. Teddy was there, of course, like he always is, but he didn't seem half as keen on avoiding me as I was on avoiding him. I expected that, given what happened last Christmas, but I have a feeling I'm developing a habit of expecting the wrong things.

Everyone drifted off into their groups in various parts of the house or the yard, and somehow Teddy and I ended up in the foyer alone. I took a deep breath after assessing the situation, finally ready to say something I'd spent seven months planning how to say. "I ruined everything," I said - okay, it was barely louder than a whisper, but I knew he could hear me. I began to glide across the foyer, heading directly towards him. "Don't hate me for any of it. I... I just wanted you to know I like you." As I finished, I stopped moving. I stood about two feet from him, my eyes fixated on his face, wondering what in the world he'd make of what I'd just done.

His reaction was far different than any I had considered possible. "You didn't," he said, and I was pretty sure he was more nervous than I was. "All you did was try to give me a few hints. I'm the one who took them the wrong way." Oh, God, I wanted to just melt into his arms and... well, I hadn't quite worked that out yet. I should've expected he would do that - when we were kids, even when I was responsible for what we'd done, he always took the lion's share of the blame for things. I suppose old habits die hard, because that's exactly what he was doing - taking the blame for a situation, an awkwardness, that I'd started. Admittedly, he hadn't helped the situation, but I had started it, and therefore it was my fault.

The subtle beauty of the situation took control of me, and I started sobbing quietly. If there is one strange and unexplainable thing I've done in my seventeen years of life, that's definitely it. There was no real emotion behind my tears - they were simply happening, and that was that. Somehow, my eyes stayed focused on him, and then things truly happened. He moved towards me, bridging the small gap between us, and embraced me. Nothing has ever felt more right than that did - his arms around me, holding me close to him, making me feel safe and protected and loved and wanted and so many other things. He gently moved one of his hands away from my back, using it to push away a few stray strands of hair in front of my ear, and then he moved it back. "You're beautiful when you cry," he whispered.

"Really?" I gasped, knowing he meant it. He didn't reply, and for a brief second, I wondered if I had done something wrong, Then slowly, but with a passion and an intensity and a longing that I can't possibly describe, his lips found mine and he kissed me like I thought no one ever would. I didn't want it to end, but like all good things, it had to.

I knew things couldn't stay bad or awkward forever between us, but I never thought they'd end up like they have. Even in my most wonderful daydreams, I never expected any of this to happen, never expected to see that he'd fallen for me just as hard as I'd fallen for him. I suppose that's the way that love's supposed to be - you're not supposed to expect what actually ends up happening. If that's the way things work, then anything in the world could happen to us, because I have no idea what's next and I don't think I want to know until it happens.

So this is where I am - madly in love with my best friend and truly hoping this lasts.


	10. Black Rose

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in ages; life got crazy again. Because I suck at doing things in a chronological order, this is the May before "I'm Holding On To My Princess Dreams And His Bitter Words" and "Little Girls Become Young Women And The World Devours Their Soul"...

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_Black Rose _

If there is one thing I won't miss about school, it will be the horrible Memorial Day services and rituals. I know that whomever thought those up was sure everything sounded like a good idea, but the truth says otherwise. None of that stuff sounds like a good idea when you're the son of two war casualties that you didn't even get to know - which is what I am. Everyone in school trooping down to the cemetery, which is a mile away, doesn't sound like a good idea. The only good thing this year was that, since it was a Wednesday, classes and all the other normal school things didn't happen.

Things kicked off right away that morning with the selection of the rose-placers - or at least that's what they call it. In reality, the Heads of House choose the kids who will place roses on the graves well in advance; the only thing left up to chance is who places a rose where. Due to the fact that both of my parents are dead, I've been assigned to place a rose every year, for all seven years, and nothing is better than knowing that this is my final year of school and therefore the final year I'll have to place a stupid rose. This year, my best friend, Vic, was chosen as well - probably because she is a good person and won't try to dye her rose green, like someone did last year. I hoped that both of us would draw the names of people we'd never heard of - as I know from experience, it's way easier to place a rose if you don't know anything about the person you're supposed to be remembering. Over the years, I've been pretty lucky, having only drawn a name I recognized once - and that was the person Vic's family refers to as The Deceased Uncle. Other people have always drawn my parents' names, and I haven't envied them for it.

This year, I wasn't lucky at all. When I opened the slip of paper I drew, I saw the one name I didn't want to see - my father's. I honestly don't know what I think of my parents - given the mismatched things I know about them, I don't know what to think - but I do know that whoever was responsible for me getting my father's name has a messed-up sense of humor. It got even better (NOT) when Vic went up a few moments later and, because the day apparently wasn't ironic enough, drew my mother's name. After she went up, she came back to me and tried to make me feel better about the whole horrible situation. "At least we're near each other," she said, trying to be happy about the scenario. I, in contrast, looked and felt like I'd just seen the most important person in my life die.

"Only you would point that out as a good thing," I replied, trying not to say anything else. I've always tried not to speak on May 2, just because it's such a sad day for me and everything. If I just shut up, things usually don't go too badly; if people don't understand the concept of 'leave me alone', it becomes a living nightmare. Last year, I got into a fight with the boy who got my mother's name after that moron made some comment about getting 'a totally useless person' or something along those lines. I did deck the boy, and he got me pretty good too, before the professors realized that two of their charges were about to kill each other. Needless to say, that was _not_ a good day.

We trekked down to the cemetery in relative silence, which is to say that no one was stupid enough to get in my way. Thankfully, most of the people at school have learned that messing with a brooding eighteen-year-old, aka me, isn't that brilliant of an idea. When we got there, I went in the direction of my parents' grave, a location I know all too well. Though I didn't know it at the time, Vic was right behind me, mirroring my every step like she always does. It's a tragically beautiful routine, the one we've developed - after I place the obligatory rose by someone's tombstone, Vic joins me and we walk to where my parents are buried and just stand there in silence. Since we had to place roses there, we ended up standing there longer than usual, longer than we planned.

After about five minutes, things went wrong - I started to cry. I try not to show a lot of emotions, no matter what I'm feeling, but I was unable to stop. For some reason, eighteen years of what I didn't have flashed through my head, and for the first time I can remember, I thought about the life I should've had. More than that, I wished for that life. I wished for knowing my parents, having younger siblings to protect, having a normal life, being told I was like my parents without that air of pity that always comes with those comments. Emotionally, I broke down.

"It's alright." I blinked, and Vic was right next to me, handing me a handkerchief and trying to make me feel better. I don't know which of her relatives she learned that from, but that person deserves a medal. "I'd feel the same way."

I didn't believe her, but the gesture was sweet. "Thanks," I said, taking the handkerchief from her hand. "Oh, and by the way - happy birthday."

So this is where I am the day after my best friend's sixteenth birthday - desperately longing for the life I should've had.


	11. Six Feet Under

A/N: Victoire's perspective on "Black Rose"...

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_Six Feet Under _

I hate Memorial Day, even though it's my birthday. That's why I hate it, actually - of all the days in the year, I had to be born on the one day my best friend will never be happy. I'd do anything in the world for Teddy, but some days I think I make his problems worse. Even though he tries to act like he's fine on Memorial Day, I know he does it for me, so I don't worry about him. There's so much to worry about, though, with him not having any living relatives and all that stuff. He tries to act stronger than he is, but every year his attempts have gotten worse. Last year he got into a fight with one of the boys in his year, some moron who made some snarky comment or something about his mum. I probably would've reacted just as badly if I'd been in that situation, but I probably wouldn'tve decked the idiot in full view of half the professors, which is exactly what Teddy did. Some days, against my better judgement, I feel sorry for that boy.

This year, I got picked to place a rose on someone's grave. The stupid school rituals are annoying, and if you break the rules of them, you live to regret it. Last year one of the girls in the year above me dyed her rose green, and she still hasn't heard the end of it! Anyways, things went rather badly once the rose-placers drew where they got to place their rose. Teddy drew his dad's name, and moments later, I drew his mum's. It was more than a little awkward, but I tried to make the best of it, really tried. "At least we're near each other," I said, appearing beside Teddy.

"Only you would point that out as a good thing," he replied, and he had a point. I've always tried to make things better for him, or at least less sad, and I've always failed. At least this time I did have a point - with the way things ended up being, we could stick together for the whole day, and stick together we did as we walked to the cemetery, along with everyone else from school. He didn't talk, nor did I, and it seemed like he liked it quiet. When we finally got there, he went towards his parents' graves and I silently followed him, trying to stick with our routine, which is that after his rose is placed, we just go there and stand there and he grieves in silence and I want so desperately to make him happier.

This time 'round, things didn't go quite according to plan. We'd been standing there for a little over five minutes when he started crying, even though he never cries. I knew what was going on - today was the eighteenth anniversary of the day that any hope of a normal life was taken from him. What I really wanted to do was to fling my arms around him and just stand there for as long as possible, but he doesn't see me like I see him, so that was _completely_ out of the question. Instead, I pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of my jeans and handed it to him. "It's alright," I said. "I'd feel the same way."

"Thanks," he replied, taking the handkerchief from me. Have I ever mentioned how much I think I love that boy? Well, I was reminded of that fact at that moment, reminded of the way he's always been there for me and the way I want so badly to make it up to him somehow. "Oh, and by the way - happy birthday."

He'd remembered. Even though he was totally miserable, even though he was grieving for the life he never got the chance to have, he still remembered it was my birthday. I don't care what anyone else says; Teddy Lupin is the one boy I'm interested in, and we need to be together. The only problem is that he doesn't know it yet.

So this is where I am on my sixteenth birthday - wishing that my best friend had a happier life.


	12. As Shallow Becomes Deep

A/N: This is Roxie, three days after the end of Christmas holidays, during fifth year...

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_As Shallow Becomes Deep _

I really didn't think I'd see that boy - Nathaniel - again, but life is surprising like that. After classes today, I was wandering the corridors and trying to avoid Fred and Jamie, which is the closest thing I have to a hobby. Some days I wonder how I'm related to them, especially Fred. I mean, the cretin is my older brother, for Pete's sake, and yet he might as well be a different species. But once again, I digress. This is not about my idiot relatives; this is about what happened to me this afternoon.

I think I'd somehow ended up in the Charms corridor (don't ask how) when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and (surprise, surprise) it was the boy from that one time a few days before the holidays. Because I can be such a space case at times, I didn't recognize him at first. "Do I know you?" I asked, and the very second I'd shut my mouth, I matched the name and the face and realized I'd made an idiot of myself in front of a cute boy, _again_.

"Is that always how you're going to greet me?" Nathaniel laughed, apparently finding my spacing-out amusing. _No one_ finds that amusing, EVER - not even my family - so I was in a state of shock. "Have a good Christmas?"

I rolled my eyes at him. I mean, he did know what family I belonged to, and he still had the nerve to ask if I had a decent time over the holidays! With morons like Fred and Jamie running around the place, I didn't get the chance to let my guard down enough to have a good Christmas. "It was interesting," I replied truthfully. "My older brother has now officially learned ten different ways to light a Christmas tree on fire, and this year my oldest cousin's husband nearly went up in smoke along with it." I made the scenario sound funny, or at least I tried to, but it really hadn't been. The only remotely entertaining aspect had been the canaries Victoire sicced on Fred and Jamie - I got a camera for Christmas, and I intend to show the photographs of Fred running away from a flock of birds to every girl he ever dates.

"Sounds like fun." What really got me was the way Nathaniel not only meant was he was saying, but also keeping a straight face. Most people have a don't-ask/don't-tell policy about anything that happens with my family, especially over Christmas, and those that don't usually die laughing and then taunt whoever was responsible for the latest near-death experience. "Hey, wait - you're Fred's younger sister, right?"

Those were the exact five words I didn't want to hear. Admittedly, I'd pretty much revealed who my sibling is just by mentioning the burning Christmas tree - Fred and Jamie tried to pull that at school last Christmas and actually managed to get it going before they were caught - but it was annoying nonetheless. Usually, when people learn I'm Fred's younger sister, they avoid me like the plague, just in case some of that devil-may-care attitude is genetic. I figured I might as well give him the chance to tell me to get lost, so I figured it had to come out sooner or later. "Yeah, but I don't think I'm anything like him." I paused for a few moments and then decided to ask a question of my own. "Do you know him?"

"Mostly by reputation, but we did have a bit of a clash once. If I remember right, one of his stunts turned my sister magenta." Oh, so _that_ was why Nathaniel's last name was so familiar! His sister, Alison, was in the same year as Fred and consistently the object of his affection. How that led to him giving her a trick flower last Valentine's Day that somehow turned her skin magenta, I have no idea. What Freddie dearest doesn't know is that Alison and Jamie got caught under some mistletoe before the holidays, and since I value my life, I don't intend to tell him.

"I'm pretty much safe, given I'm his sister and most of the relatives will take my side if it's me against him." That was pretty much true - though most of the relatives would avoid getting involved in the first place, the majority of those who did would likely take my side. The last time Fred 'forgot' how protected I am, when he thought he'd refined Dad's old punching-telescope idea and given me the test item, he got some pretty quality scars from the affair. Admittedly, most of those were courtesy of Aunt Hermione's cat, but some were definitely not.

I turned to walk away, but as I began to walk, Nathaniel called after me. "Want to hang out sometime?" Those five words more than made up for the worry he'd compared me to my brother. Here was a guy who was actually decent, didn't think my family was a total joke even though he'd seen some of my brother's escapades firsthand, and maybe even liked me. It was a really fantastic moment.

"Sure," I replied, this time really walking away. "Next Hogsmeade weekend's in three weeks - want to meet up then?" I didn't have to hear his answer, because I knew it would be 'yes'.

So this is where I am - potentially the girlfriend of a boy who's actually good for me and hoping that my nincompoop brother doesn't try to kill said boy.


End file.
